DENVER B: 4 Reasons Men Leave 10-Yr-Old Relationships & Marry After 6 Months
If he’s been with you for over five years, there are very few things that can make him leave and do a complete 180 and marry someone else after just six months.
Denver Bagaka 
It’s interesting being in the relationships space. The wild ideas of love, the ever-changing priorities of people and the way people will never have the same ideas have always fascinated me.
It always allows us to question certain situations based on the circumstances so that we can understand and reflect on how we’d do things differently. It’s a tricky situation but I guess that’s why I like it so much.
The parts that I don’t like are the ones where people treat every situation like it’s the same or there’s a one-stop solution for most of their problems. That’s what I normally try to avoid and debunk most of the time.
This issue has become a little more rampant for all the wrong reasons. Usually attached to some course or some program, some characters online have seen the market for simple relationship solutions and have sought to profit by selling BS ‘tips and tricks’ which usually include basic information.
One such character did so and as is expected, I had to debunk the statements said. I did all that here if you’d like to listen but I’ll debunk it here as well.
The Case
So I stumbled onto a post from an Instagram page specializing in “mature relationship quotes” and promising to “Unlock the mysterious world of men”. It was a post that said:
I’ve seen men leave 5-10 year relationships, turn around and get married to a woman he’s known for 6 months. He does all the things his ex begged him to do. Word of advice, stop preaching to these men, they hear you. He’s not going to ever be the man you want him to be because you’re not the woman he wants to be with. People change for who they want, period!
Of course, it’s true, right? Would someone give bad advice knowing that it’s bad?
The Breakdown
Well, yes. Both those questions have the same answer. This is ironic considering that the answer(s) to the situation given above are anything but the same.
And guess what, it’s a lot less about the person as it is their behaviour. But what gives me the credibility to refute such ‘advice’?
A man during an argument with a woman. /FILE
Maybe just the fact that I’m a man and I have a pretty good idea of how many men think. If he’s been with you for over five years, there are very few things that can make him leave and do a complete 180 and marry someone else after just six months. So let’s break that down:
It’s Got Nothing To Do With Looks
If you think that it’s because of your looks then you’re probably right. If he’s been with you for over five years, your looks are probably the least of his considerations.
He’d have to have been very comfortable in that relationship that his desires for other women were put on the back burner until he woke up one day and decided to chase looks again.
You’d have to drastically increase/decrease in weight and looks for him to decide to leave. Most men are very comfortable with a woman gaining a few pounds and would still love them regardless.
The Desire for Change
The concept of change is thrown around quite a bit, and even in the statement, it’s been linked to changing for the person.
The issue is that most people look at the change in a relationship from the wrong angle. There’s a belief that a person will change for an individual, which is wrong.
Most people change for themselves or to become an ideal that gets them towards a desired goal. Women will mostly change for relationship(s) and men will mostly change for circumstances.
The idea of ‘moulding your partner’ has also been passed around quite a bit and it’s particularly common to hear such in men’s groups. This has given a lot of men the false hope that they can change a woman they’re infatuated with into their ideal woman.
This leads many to attempt this throughout a relationship where they may try to make their partner act/behave a certain way (to his liking) even though that goes against who the woman is.
This leads to short bursts of successful changes before reverting to ‘factory settings’, which creates a cycle that can engulf the relationship. Give this time and you can very easily waste months (years even) trying to turn a whore into a housewife (a bit extreme but you get the point).
So maybe what’s needed is the man seeing everything he wants in someone else to force him to leave and move on.
It's About The What
Most times when such a situation happens, it’s usually because of what the woman has done/not done that influences the man’s desire to leave and move on so quickly. These actions/inactions will be very specific and must have been mentioned by him at some point.
This usually stems from a desire to settle down and/or marry, which cannot be done without an inner comfort with the behaviours of the person you’ll be settling down with.
It can be something as simple and mundane as housework and hygiene to something as largely conflicted as getting married or choosing to have children. Those can change the course of the relationship, especially if the man wishes to do so within a particular timeline.
The most common ones I’ve heard are the marriage decision and the 'having children' decision.
Men have left people they loved for years in favour of having children with someone. It could be anything like being attached to an inheritance package they’re to receive or because of a white picket fence ideal that they’re after.
The point is, they’re not getting what they need from you so they’ll get it from elsewhere.
It's Not As Common As You Think
Although, contrary to what some people think, these situations are particularly rare in today’s day and age for one simple reason: Time carries a greater weight than most think.
If you’re with your man for multiple years, this threat is a lot less imminent than you’d think. If he’s been with you all through, he probably sees the idea of looking for something better as too much work with too much risk.
Conclusion
So the long and short of it is that there’s less to worry about in such and it’s a lot less to do with the superficial than it is the deeper issues/desires.
This is why you won’t hear people leaving long-term situations because of looks or sub-par sex. Because if you’ve been with your partner that long, then either you’re comfortable with the sex (subpar or not) or it just doesn’t bother you that much.
A man and a woman on a date. /iSTOCK
So maybe you shouldn’t be listening to some things said, whether they appeal to you or not. Either way, there’s a bunch of bad advice that needs to be extinguished, and someone needs to get the ball rolling.
Denver B is a TV personality on the show Men’s Conference and a podcaster on the Break Time on Westside podcast which speaks on love, sex & relationships spanning over 360 episodes. You can reach him through his email [email protected]
