DENVER B: Real Reason Women Keep Going For Rich Men

Waking up to write this article, I stumbled upon a gossip post on IG about a radio presenter who asked guys to stop DM-ing her as she only wants ‘billionaires’.

Of course, as is the unsurprising reaction of the public on reading this, people went off in the comments section. I being a speaker against cyberbullying, went into the comments to get entertained by what was being said.

But on reading the first few, I closed the app and sought to continue my day, seeing the clout chase in the post and electing not to be a participant in it. 

We’ve seen and heard similar statements made on live TV, radio, social media and podcasts. They’re not new. The idea of a woman online wanting a high-earning, high-status individual is all too common today and that shock and awe tactic is overused, to say the least.

A man during an argument with a woman. /FILE

The unfortunate reality is that whilst some of us may understand that what is being said may not reflect what is felt by the horse, others believe that if it has come from the horse’s mouth, it represents the beliefs of all horses.

Horse or not, this has affected people and their relationships, or lack thereof. So much so that I ended up making a two-part episode set addressing the same.

Listen to both of them below:

An Old Ideal 

The days when a woman would be asked about their potentially desirable partner’s main qualities and would keep it simple are almost forgotten.

The days of tall, dark and handsome are being left to the books and the simplest a woman has told me her ideal man’s qualities are were the earlier three, plus financially stable. The list of requirements is growing, and mandatory. 

The idea of compromise has become synonymous with ‘settling for less’ a term used to describe below bare minimum and possibly abusive partners, to which no woman today will give a chance.

Ever since women were told online that they should see themselves as beautiful and that they’re all 10s, the desire for the top tier of men has been pushed as a must, if not deserved. So, if that’s the case, what happens to the average Joes? 

Hypergamy on Steroids 

If you’re a young man today, I bet you’ve probably heard the statement ‘Women are hypergamous’ about as much as you’ve heard someone speak of getting what you want through manifesting.

‘The man’s role is to provide’ has become a leaning point for a lot of talkers on relationship topics and your favourite content creators have told you that if you don’t make money, you don’t make sense. This is further hammered in by the women’s remarks. 

From questions on who gets to pay on the first date, to what a man should be doing for his woman as a show of love, to being told that their woman always deserves ‘baby girl’ treatment, young men are being reduced to workers whose only role is to find satisfaction in the women they lust over.

By being able to afford their desires, match up camera-happy standards and still do so while remaining faithful, they may be able to secure their woman. This is understandable, except that the standards required are not within arms’ reach for most young men until they’re in their mid-thirties or forties and by then, where will the standards have gotten? 

There’s been an ever-increasing standard that’s been set online for men to live up to as a ‘modern show of love’ which has forced me to wonder: Could this idea of hypergamy have been taken a little too seriously? 

A Quality Argument? 

“If guy X got his girlfriend of 3 months a bouquet wrapped in money, what’s stopping you from giving your girlfriend of 2 years the same?” 

I’ve heard this before and it’s never been taken as seriously in the social setting, or so we think. 

People have been dumped for not being/doing enough for another person and as such, feelings of inadequacy plague young men trying to date.

Their pockets aren’t as fat, their disposable income isn’t for two (even one is arguable sometimes) and the girls their age that they like don’t seem to care about them since they’re punching at a weight class that can only be satiated by their more fortunate, well-to-do counterparts. So why attempt to get into the dating market as a young man? 

While we ask this question, a new question arises from the dick-swinging side of the table: If they ask for more than their mothers did, do they give more than what their mothers gave? 

A new expectations argument is set, pitting the past against the present while the women’s argument pits the present against a dream. The stories of women who cooked and cleaned for their boyfriends are served around before someone questions what the women of today offer instead and it becomes a funny discussion.

Talks of sending fare before she comes, lying down waiting for first-class hospitality, and giving nothing more than the opportunity to get your rocks off are awash and the young men conclude that the quality of women found in today’s dating market is nothing like the mothers that gave birth to them. 

The Disconnect Between the Times

While such discussions go on, a realization has come to mind; we live in very different times. Of course, there are more social platforms and we even have dedicated dating sites/apps but it’s more than that.

We came from a world where people viewed relationships as a giving enterprise and were thrown into a world where people view relationships from a receiving POV. 

People in the 80s, 90s and even 2000s went into relationships armed with a desire for good companionship first and a better life for both moving forward before looking at the niceties and what the cost of an engagement ring should be. Young people today are trying to get into relationships with a desire to receive good treatment as opposed to some of the predecessors and former patrons of the market. 

They want lavish treatment without having felt that they have worked for it, they want to have a deep connection after a few deep strokes and want constant unconditional affection yet the relationships that have stood beyond the era of Motorola and Nokia’s domination speak less on that than anything. This has given the impression that there are little to no good mates and the market is chock full of garbage, and maybe by some criteria, it is. 

Conclusion

There’s an argument to be made for treating a woman you love/care about like a princess (metaphorically speaking).

No man wants their significant other to suffer, and neither do they want to rob them or lack the ability to give them the finer things in life. There’s also an argument about giving to receive in a relationship, and that holds water too. 

I can’t call people’s desires bad and yet I have my own, but I also can’t say that some are the most sustainable or the most realistic for the environment they’re in. So we must ask if the problem lies in the people or maybe we also look for the wrong things in each other today.

As the Psychologist, Adam Lane Smith states,” People today use the wrong strategies trying to secure the right mate.” If we don’t discuss these expectations of ours very soon, a lot of us are going to look back twenty years from now and be angry because we messed up two or more generations of people.

Denver B is a TV personality on the show Men’s Conference and a podcaster on the Break Time on Westside podcast which speaks on love, sex & relationships spanning over 360 episodes. You can reach him through his email [email protected]

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