DENVER B: Debunking 5 Controversial Opinions on Cheating

Over the past weeks, I’ve handled and discussed relationship stories that relate to money.

However, as I sought to deviate from the now seemingly monotonous subject, I came across a few cheating occurrences. I was to dismiss them (since I handled the topic before) but something else drew me in. 

A Twitter (now X) user had quote-replied to a tweet asking for debatable opinions on cheating, and hers was debunked quite easily. This drove me into the rabbit hole of beliefs had about infidelity. 

You can’t love somebody and cheat i’m sorry. The 2 can’t co-exist https://t.co/vnteJJnSxy — ????????????✞✞✞ (@WhoTFissim) September 22, 2023

As a podcaster who’s spent years talking about relationships and cheating, my interest was piqued.

I took a few of the common beliefs about cheating and put them to the test, which you can listen to here if you prefer audio but here’s the written version below.

Opinions on Cheating 

Before I start tearing into people’s beliefs and questioning their logic, I need to give a disclaimer:

What I say about cheating may seem to relate to men alone but for the most part, it will be unisex.

This may be because I’m a man and thus have a better understanding of a man’s mind or because many believe that men will be the de facto cheaters (which we know is a lie, but oh well) in most relationships plagued by infidelity. 

Since I got that out of the way, I can now address some beliefs without fear or remorse so:

You can’t cheat and still love your partner 

While this belief does make sense for some people, I can argue that for most men, this is wrong. Cheating has a lot less to do with love and a lot more to do with a combination of choice and discipline.

It’s not as common for a man to fall in love with the woman he’s cheating with, with most doing it for sexual variety (statistically speaking). In simpler terms, we chase because it’s fun and because we see getting sex as a win. 

Women on the other hand are a lot more susceptible to falling into the love trap with their side-piece. Statistically, most women fall in love with their side and will also not circulate multiple men. Some men do this too, but it’s usually due to internal issues within the relationship that cause a sense of dissatisfaction.

Once a cheat, always a cheat

This is one of those beliefs that is debatable as it is true on an individual level as opposed to being collectively true.

There’s no concrete evidence that it’s true for every cheater and there have been many examples of people who’ve stuck to their one partner after the fact. 

What we do know is that those who cheat for sexual variety tend to be the least likely to settle down. This is more of a logical assumption than fact, mainly because people who are used to and enjoy having ‘choice’ dread the lack of it so giving it up is a hard task in and of itself. It’s not impossible, just hard.

It’s in a man’s nature to cheat 

This is wrong and is mostly a large stack of BS. This belief has been used for years and works to reinforce the behaviour of men who prefer to participate in the act.

What science says is that men are wired to desire sexual variety, which was an evolutionary advantage when we roamed the jungle (“reproduce and fill the earth” type s***). 

Arguments have been made speaking of our forefathers choosing to be polygamous, which only serves to blur the idea in favour of the cheater. Many cite how Christianity brought about monogamy which isn’t ‘natural’ and tried to take us away from our natural roots. 

I’d argue that infidelity is more a case of nurture than nature, considering that in places where it’s shunned by society, fewer people practice and in places where it’s normalized, many treat it as a normality.

Things like testosterone levels in men can also affect the possibility of cheating as well but it’s not a guarantee that it enables/disables the behaviour.

Cheaters should be in open or poly relationships 

This is a belief that I’ve been hearing a lot more regularly which is wrong.

Its uptick in belief and resonance with many mainly stems from the widespread awareness of alternative relationship types such as open and poly (short for polyamorous) relationships. This gives a sense of belief that there’s some arrangement out there for those who don’t do well with monogamy. 

The problem is that many fail to understand the intricacies of such relationships which may often require more trust and transparency than is required to maintain your typical closed relationship.

Boundaries and rules such as vetting of sex partners by your significant other, always using a condom, just doing it with a sex worker etc. are things that may hinder many people from fulfilling their fantasy of sleeping with a colleague and/or friend. Most cheaters also don’t like it when their partner gets some action as well so there’s that too.

Women cheat better/worse than men

This is a very debatable but easy-to-debunk belief. Many believe that women can cheat for years and go undiscovered yet men can cheat today and get discovered today. This isn’t a matter of prowess but a matter of attention to detail.

Women are more geared towards it with their partner than men, which skews things in their favour. A woman will detect another woman’s perfume on you or even how different you are in the bedroom and have question marks. 

A man will mostly focus on the most important things (highlights) so long as he’s well fed, and respected and balls are drained, he’ll be oblivious to many things.

Some men can pay attention to detail but rarely ever to the woman’s level. This makes it harder for men to identify a woman cheating as opposed to when the tables are turned.

Conclusion

So in short, not everything is as it seems. Many have believed one thing or another about cheating and a lot think they’re right.

While these were a few pointers, they should help realign some ideas on the subject. I still don’t endorse cheating, and I’m hoping that you don’t either.

For those who do, bring back some data so we can make some more conclusions, okay? Thanks.

Denver B is a TV personality on the show Men’s Conference and a podcaster on the Break Time on Westside podcast which speaks on love, sex & relationships spanning over 360 episodes. You can reach him through his email [email protected]

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