DENVER B: Women Today Leaving Good Men For Bad Boys

It's been a while since I had to reconsider my stance on something so just know I had to think this through a lot.

It all started with a podcast clip posted by Maurice Matheka (a Sex Therapist) speaking on women enjoying the cake and eating it too, his largest set of clients and why that demographic makes for the largest client base. It then moved into a thought battle about women today vs. 20+ years ago and their different outlooks on dating. 

As I pondered on the differences between the two, I tried to focus on their issues with mate compatibility today. Then I came to a wild conclusion: We're looking through the 'partner checklist' in the wrong order today as opposed to before.

This realization made for a particularly interesting episode so I figured I should bring some of it here. 

Matured Preferences 

Maurice spoke of the difference in preferences which made more sense given that the outspoken desires of women have changed over the past 20 years. From a desire for comfort and financial stability taking the top spot to sex ranking higher than ever before, the 'checklist' could not be more flipped over.

The desires of today's 20–30-year-old woman starkly contrast with what was asked for 20-30 years ago. The talk of a good man with good values who worked hard believed in God and knew how to treat a woman well/was a gentleman are ever rarer today than ever before.

There's a replacement in terms of the order of requirements which has been set in an ever more interesting way. 

The Unusual Flip 

If you asked the typical woman to describe her checklist for a man 15-20 years ago, you'd have gotten an order that looked something like this: 

1. A good man with good values 
2. God fearing
3. Dependable
4. Good-looking/financially stable 
5. Funny/fun to be around
6. Good in bed (if she had experience and was outspoken enough) 

The idea behind this was simply finding a good enough man that you can start a family, have a few kids and relate comfortably. Even if you'd miss on a few things, as long as priorities were met, he'd pass with flying colours. 

Today's example of the fairer sex's desires takes a more reversed view of the situation, leaning more towards vibes than anything else.

The idea of comfort when with a particular person is used as opposed to the pre-existing checklist which prioritises perceived longevity of the relationship based on who the people are. The list is then reversed and looks something like this:

1. Funny/fun to be around
2. Good in bed (interchangeable)
3. Good-looking/financially stable (interchangeable) 
4. Dependable 
5. God fearing
6. A good man with good values 

Good Boys Ain't No Fun 

Stop me if you've heard this before," Bad boys ain't no good, good boys ain't no fun". The idea of the bad boy who treats you right has almost become an ideal for a lot of women craving the charisma and the vibes that would keep them entertained and happy.

This has (in turn) degraded the idea of the good, honest, hardworking man as it's brought them out as nothing more than straightforward and boring. 

The idea of being a fun partner isn't bad, but it does put emphasis on the need to be entertained. While some men are quite adept at the task, many suffer from a lack of charisma and narrow information bandwidths which make them unsuitable for the task of being fun.

This puts them on the back while Mr. Funloving (Bwana Vaibu) gets a catapult to a level where he has more options than he can handle at a go. So what do you think the other guy does? 

Bad Boys Ain't No Good

Adapt. He adapts to the environment as best as he can. The shift from trying to take things slow to getting it all at once becomes the goal.

No more trying to be chivalrous because the only reward is the friendzone. Be foul and/or try to be funny, that's what seems to work these days. It may not be true but the ones who are getting some seem to do that and it works.

The idea of being the bad boy has been pushed as the ladies' man by both media (via content) and society (via results). The resulting reaction is having multiple men who aren't built for the role of a bad boy or a ladies' man act in that role.

This has bred bad role models, assholes, and deadbeats among other examples. We can blame this on not having better role models (if any) but the issue is really the women. Ironically enough, they speak ill of these men, but they created them.

Authors of Their Own Downfall

Women fell for the bad boys. Women left good men for bad boys. Women let the bad boys hit it while the good ones waited. This has been the biggest issue.

Men simply saw the blueprint of being a good guy as lacking in results and chose to adapt to the strategy with the most optimal results on a sexual level. If the man gets sex from a woman, there's not much more he can get from her physically.

Previously, there used to be a checklist and challenges before you got some but today you can get it with barely any barriers to entry, and that's thanks to the women. They advocated for no shame for having faster sex.

Using role-model couples like Chrissy Teigen & John Legend (who had sex on the first date) as patrons of sorts, they sought the abolition of shame. Men didn't care and saw it as a win, so they championed it too. Can you see the results now? 

Conclusion

I never end these things without a solution, so I thought of one. It's definitely not bringing back shaming, since I doubt that will work. I do think that bringing back those barriers to entry should do the trick though.

Women hold the keys to sex, and as a man, I know I can only access it after she says yes. If I have to be something/someone better to get the approval, then I just might.

Maybe we need to start doing more good to get sex from the women. Maybe then, after having become better men should we get the goods. Probably at that point, we'll start making for better husbands, boyfriends and even partners.

Denver B is a TV personality on the show Men’s Conference and a podcaster on the Break Time on Westside podcast which speaks on love, sex & relationships spanning over 360 episodes. You can reach him through his email [email protected]

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