10 Simple Hooking Up Rules Kenyans Should Know

The hookup culture is quickly replacing relationships across the world, and Kenya is no exception, even as couples count down hours to Valentines' Day (February 14).

These days, it's easier than ever to hook up with someone thanks to the prevalence of apps and websites designed to help people look for a romantic (or purely sexual) connection. In fact, it’s inspired the development and sustenance of “hookup culture,” where single individuals freely look for physical connections without the need for any lasting commitment, romance, or emotion.

If you’re looking to recover from your latest breakup, or if you’re young and just want to experiment a little, hookup culture can be quite inviting. But before you delve into the now-thriving dating culture, it’s important that you recognize some foundational rules.

Viral Tea takes a look at nine simple rules of hookup culture in the modern era:

Only use credible hookup websites and apps

Despite being an array of options online to choose from in terms of hooking up, it is easy to fall prey to malicious websites that expose you to women or men who turn out to be unscrupulous individuals.

This makes social media platforms such as Facebook the most obvious option to stay away from, due to its huge population of users and ease of accessibility. Past reports by investigative agencies, including the Directorate of Criminal Investigations (DCI) have exposed victims who have fallen prey to criminals who met them for casual hookups on social media.

Some websites and apps offer a much richer pool of individuals to talk to; they have better features for ensuring your privacy and safety, and they’re simply easier to navigate.

Do your research, look at reviews, and focus your attention only on the best candidates; you’ll have a much better time than someone who picks one at random.

Don't hook up with the same person multiple times

This does not mean you should miss out on a steamy session. However, hooking up with the same person multiple times may not necessarily be a good idea unless you set up a friend-with-benefits relationship with clear rules.

So you may now be wondering, how frequently should you hook up with them? The answer to that is, it depends.

If all that you are doing in your free time is hooking up with the same person, then you should be on the alert. Also, it is wise to keep the activity with your casual partner limited to the bedroom.

In addition, the moment you sense you're developing feelings for the same person, consider taking a break. Remember, you should be upfront with them with something like, “I don’t think we should see each other anymore" instead of ghosting them, which is ceasing all communication with someone with no acknowledgement, explanation, or further responses as if you’ve disappeared into thin air.

Be direct with your intentions

If you’re in the dating scene specifically to hook up, state that. Oftentimes, the number one problem that kills relationships, even casual ones, is a lack of communication.

Don’t lie about your motivations by saying you’re looking for committed dating or long-term partnerships. You may narrow your dating pool, but you’ll meet more people looking for the same thing.

Talk about what you’re expecting in the bed, and also try understanding what your sex partner likes. Once you both know the sexual preferences of each other, you’d have an orgasm to remember and most importantly, this will make sex more pleasurable and less awkward.

Avoid casual texting and conversations

According to World Hookup Guides, a lot of young people make the mistake of texting casually and talking casually, especially those fond of getting attached too fast.

The only time you should text your sex partner is to decide when to meet and hook up. This means no small talk, texting, or casual conversations; only text to hook up.

The more you talk to a person and know about them, the more feelings you develop, and you'll find yourself liking your partner for more than just sex, a complicated situation especially when the other party doesn't want anything more.

So keep things simple; plan the time, set the location, have sex and move forward.

Keep your Friends With Benefits (FWBs) away from your friends

Introducing your friend with benefits to your friends’ circle defeats the purpose of hooking up. Hookups are all about having sex with no strings attached.

Introducing your FWB to people close to you means you’re letting them into your life. In addition, one of your friends might have intentions of having sex with your FWB in the future.

The more your FWB knows about you, the more they'll know about you, including dark secrets they can use against you. If you prefer keeping your sex life private then you’re giving a random stranger something to use against you.

Respect the wants and needs of others. 

This would simply mean you pay attention to the wants and needs of the people you meet.

If they’re looking for a one-night stand, don’t keep persuading them for more dates afterwards. If they’re looking for a meaningful romantic connection, don’t lead them on if you’re only looking for sex.

The same goes for communication, even though it's important. You should avoid personal questions in an attempt to dig into their personal life, relationship status or anything as prying too much kills your chances of getting some action in the future.

Don’t get jealous. 

This is simple, the person you're hooking up with is not your boyfriend or girlfriend, thus you shouldn't get jealous when he or she happens to court other people.

If you’re entering a casual arrangement, both you and your partner are free to seek (and flirt with) other people. If you catch the person you’re sleeping with on a date with another person, don't get upset because they are allowed to do so.

Use protection

No matter how tempting raw sex appears to be, it isn’t worth it. International Condom Day is celebrated the day before Valentines' Day (February 13) as a way of creating awareness about condoms, hence the importance of using condoms every time while hooking up.

The thing about hookups is that you do not know the sexual history of your partner. This means that there is a very high risk of being infected with Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) through unprotected sex.

Here’s a tip for all the women out there reading this: No matter how much the guy brags about their pull-out game, don’t risk it. All it takes is a single drop of sperm to leave you spending thousands of shillings taking care of a child you did not plan for.

Similarly, here’s one for all the men as well: don’t believe her to be on birth control as some women have developed all manner of sinister tricks to get pregnant. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

Consider skipping the cuddling phase & maintain eye contact

In Ester Perels’ groundbreaking book, Mating in Captivity, she suggested that cuddling makes us feel too close and familiar to a person. If both of you have achieved orgasm then the only reason you should be in bed is for another round.

Cuddling after sex will only make if not both then one of you develop feelings. This is why it is best to skip that phase and only focus on raw sex and foreplay.

In addition, if you want to make your hookups more memorable, then be more passionate in bed.

Small things such as maintaining eye contact during intercourse can make a huge difference. But of course, it also depends on the sex position. If you’re doing it from behind, even then it doesn’t have to be raw sex.

There are a number of things you can do to spice things up such as hair-pulling and spanking, among others. However, keep in mind to ask if your sex partner is comfortable with all of this.

In short, be more passionate during the session. This will make the experience tenfold better for you and your sex partner.

Avoid emotions after sex

The most unspoken hookup rule, especially after, is to not let your emotions take over you. Whether you’re going through a rough break-up or any other tragedy, keep things limited to sex.

It is likely that your hook-up partner is also there for some fun. The last thing they would want is to hear your complaints or tantrums regarding how you feel about the current state of the economy.

Relationship experts even advise against showing emotions even after sex because the chances are that you wouldn’t see your partner the next time after that. If you think that you’re too vulnerable, then avoid hooking up. Once you feel better, only then, get back down to business.